Shaggy, the useless, perpetually hungry member of the team who never contributed anything to any investigation and would actively flee any threat the instant it was perceived, was transformed from a well-meaning coward into the super aggro self-righteous asshole you see at every bar who looks like he carefully built his personality around being unique. Shaggy now looks like the kind of person who, at the slightest provocation, will burden you with his insufferable opinions about music and whiskey.
Jesus, look at this douchebag.
Fred and Daphne, on the other hand, have apparently spent the last 40 years powerlifting. They are ripped to shreds in a way that almost makes you feel sorry for the next poor drifter who dresses up like a pirate ghost to spook kids. These two look like they might tear off your entire human head while they’re pulling off your mummy mask.
“I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling k — Jesus Christ, look at the size of you! Keep the haunted theme park, I’m sorry!”
Of course, all of this pales in comparison to DC Comics’ post-apocalyptic gritty reboot of Scrappy Doo. Scrappy Doo, as you may remember, was the ridiculous catchphrase-shouting puppy who was comically unaware of his own strength, and who is widely considered to be the most obnoxious cartoon character ever created.
Well, techno-cool reboot Scrappy Doo is most of those things — he’s still an irritating cheesedick who talks like an elementary school jokebook — but in this new reimagining, he’s a super-buff permanent werewolf wearing a pair of elaborate sunglasses and absolutely nothing else.
Luckily, they put his familiar catchphrase less than an inch away from his dick.
There are plenty of mysteries surrounding this new Scooby-Doo, but we doubt the gang ever gets around to solving any of them.
Jonathan Wojcik writes more about weird, creepy cartoons and has his own horror-comedy webcomic at Bogleech. Adam Koski wrote a hilarious and thrilling fantasy novel he can’t wait to give weird spinoffs some day. Chris is planning to relaunch his Twitter account with more dynamic characters and fewer nerdy Hamilton references.
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