A $100-A-Month Toilet Paper Subscription

If you thought toilet paper was the great equalizer, and that rich people wipe their asses with the same paper squares as the rest of us plebes, think again. There is, in fact, toilet paper for the astoundingly wealthy. And it isn’t just dollar bills.

Joseph’s Toiletries
“Put it on a roll? Like for the anuses of the poor?”

Zurich-based Joseph’s Toiletries offers a monthly toilet paper subscription for the bargain price of $100. Per person. Calling itself “toilet paper reinvented,” the natural “tissue pads” come with a bottom wash infused with vitamin B5 and zinc, which gets your asshole all those vitamins it’s no doubt been missing.

“Man, I am dying for some B5 …”

Among our many questions is what metric they used to determine an appropriate monthly ration of toilet paper. Did they make allowances for taco truck days and bad sushi? And how did they settle on a size for the pre-cut pieces, which could be extremely wasteful or woefully inadequate, depending on factors such as poo consistency and splash radius? Even more importantly, what happens if you exhaust your monthly allocation of butt wipers early? Can you get more, or are you left kissing your bunghole with common tissue like the poors?

Joseph’s Toiletries
And do rich people wipe while sitting or standing? Or do they hire someone to do the wiping for them?

For more really bad financial decisions, read 7 Real Fast Food Items Only Insanely Rich People Can Buy and 7 Great Products For Telling The World You’re A Rich Dick.

And be sure to check out 9 Types Of Coworkers To Make You Want Your Head To Explode, and let us know about other headsplosion-worthy employees we may have missed.

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An interesting read via Cracked: All Posts