Non- or less-religious people may say, “But I use Bible quotes all the time to tell religious people they are wrong and it doesn’t work.” Of course it doesn’t. I never listened to that kind of argument from someone who didn’t actually believe in the Bible, because what is this, some kind of game to you? You think you found some loophole in my Dungeons And Dragons rule book? You don’t believe the quote you are throwing at me, but you think I am dumb enough to fall for it because I am dumb enough to do whatever my magic book says. This is not a good setup for a cooperative response.

If someone hasn’t made you their dungeon master, don’t tell them what their orc can do.

But when other Christians tell me there’s something in the Bible that contradicts what I think, I’ll take a look, because they really think there’s something real there, not like an overlooked loophole in my spellbook that will give them power over me or whatever.

So here’s a sneaky suggestion: For those who know some people who are “bad” on lots of issues but “good” on one or two, you don’t have to give those people a medal or approve of them but if you don’t completely burn that bridge, you can help bring THAT person into contact with a worse person (“bad” on everything) and get the worse person to evolve a step (when they wouldn’t have listened to you).

Everybody wants a formula, a set of steps, to change people and fix bigotry. “Say this,” and “Expect them to respond like this,” and “Here’s how you’ll know if it’s working.” That’s a recipe for frustration.

Like anything involving vegetables.

How it really works is probably going to look more like this. You’ll make a reasonable, genuine plea on social media for tolerance and understanding on some issue. Some rando will insult you and call you a beta snowflake. Nobody else will respond. One of your followers will read it, have a misconception challenged, feel uncomfortable, forget about it, remember it a week later, hear a friend tell a personal story that dovetails with your point, and admit internally they’ve been wrong. They will never tell anyone, but they will stop believing and parroting one sexist argument forever. Maybe they will treat women a little better.

What does it mean for you? If you’re persistent, and patient, and genuine, and reasonable, you’re probably making a difference already, even if no one will ever tell you so. The yellers and trolls will never stop yelling and trolling (they might even get louder), but that doesn’t mean nothing’s working. They’re not your targets. If you tune out the yelling, you might faintly hear the sound of popcorn crunching in the dark.

And if you’ve ever ninja-changed your mind because of something someone said, maybe go back and tell them. Maybe they, like you, think they’re wasting their time and no one ever changes. It’s okay to admit you’ve been a crap person. Here’s a secret: We’re all still crap people even now. We’ll all get better faster if we don’t waste energy pretending we never were.

Christina can be found on Twitter and Facebook shouting at clouds.

For more check out How Half Of America Lost Its F**king Mind and 5 Confessions of a Female ‘Nice Guy’.

And be sure to check out Wake Up In A Horror Movie? Here’s What You Need To Know…, and let us know about other headsplosion-worthy employees we may have missed.

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An interesting read via Cracked: All Posts